hey it's been a while

Hey there i hope you are all ok? well i wasn't but thankfully i am now :) I am sorry i have not kept everyone up to date. Since being on essential a few things have happened i was putting on a brave face for everyone, i was enjoying the people and training weeks on essential but wasn't happy. I tried convincing myself i was and was trying to get on with it all but being the stubborn person i am i got on with it. But some things happened and i was given some time off to think about what i want to do and how i feel with essential so, I went to the doctors and they said i was suffering from really bad stress and high blood pressure and high anxiety. They told me to calm my head down a bit and take a few blood tests and go back in 2 weeks. A week later I go to THQ for a meeting to see what i would like to do and i made a decision that i would like to return to Eston and carry on with essential, so we had a good chat and made up a plan for me to get back into essential and back in the programme at Eston. I was happy but i think i was still putting the brave face on my sleep pattern wasn't good as i couldn't sleep because i was thinking about way to much. I went back to the doctors after 2 weeks luckily there was nothing wrong with me from my blood tests but i was diagnosed with clinical depression, I was given a 2 weeks sick note and anti depressants so I can get used to them. My friends were really supportive started swimming and riding my bike to and from the swimming pool. I even started to do bmxing again with my friends i was getting in a better mood. But i still couldn't sleep properly something in my head was saying don't go back so i was really thinking and praying what to do. I eventually broke down and said i can't go back my head wasn't right yet and i couldn't go back putting a brave face on i would of ended up a lot worse than what i was feeling at that time. I just needed to find out who i was not to be like my brother or compare my self to anyone else just needed to find the real me. So i rang THQ Alove department up and told them i couldn't carry on i needed to get better and get my head together. I was worried at first because i didn't think hey would understand why i am leaving the programme. Mike loyd-jones the territorial youth secretary really understood and was very good and supportive of me because everyone wanted for me to be better. I am a person who usually bottles things up and doesn't really let anyone in or how I am feeling, i started to think about whats next now so i was looking for work again, seeing my friends and doing a lot of swimming and bmxing with them. I started to feel a bit more like myself again I started to eat more healthy and exercise more and i lost some weight which i am really happy about. Then Matt Leeder rings me up to ask if i would like to carry on with essential as i have changed a lot and progressed so much from the year. So we spoke and i decided to carry on but it would be from home working with my divisional youth officer Ben Still and a corp officer Susanna Offor from canvey corps as part time participates programme, which i started last week. It has been very good so far I have helped the youth worker from leigh on sea and ben, to do some things for the youth programme. Which i am also using that as my research project, to help find funding for the youth work at Leigh on sea, to also find data and give out questionnaires to the youth of young people in the church and also for non christian young people from Leigh on sea. That has been really good so far and finding the research and data. I have also help prepare things for the big day out which should be really fun and is soon :). I also have been a part of a Bar'n'bus in canvey which is a youth club on a bus it has game consoles and for young people to talk to that will be great when it starts. So can you please pray for that and for it to go really well. Everyone at Dhq are so nice and welcoming and i have been helping some of them out while i am at dhq. I will be starting the parents and tolder group and food parcels at Canvey Salvation army and then have some lunch and start a worked based mentoring session with Susanna Offor. I will be going to Wickford salvation army on a sunday morning for my meetings and thats my home corp too, my friend mike will be my mentor aswell from wickford and my essential discipler. I am looking forward to the last few weeks of essential helping Ben and Susanna and finishing of essential. I would like to thank everyone for there prayer and support to the people of Eston corps i have made very good relationships there and i will miss everyone there. To thank Garry and Lorraine for the support of caring and prayer, you welcomed me to your church family and helped me through some hard times and worked me hard. I am grateful for everything. I would like to thank the Alove team for caring and supporting me to and wanting me to finish this year. Thanks for putting a programme together very quickly and Ben and Susanna for having me in your programmes to facilitate me for my last few weeks so thank you. And a big thanks to my mum and dad for all there support and helping me through this rough patch and my friends too, Wickford corp for financially supporting me and through prayer too. So that everyone knows I feel more like my self and i am happier too from the support and the tablets too. God works in mysterious ways on puts on paths we do not choose ourselves. Strength will rise as we wait upon the lord. Phillippians 4:13 says I can do all things through christ who strengthens me this has always stuck out to me and its my favourite bible verse i believe in God more than ever than i have done before in my life. I hope you enojyed the read sorry its long, let me know what you think :) God bless Matt